Ahhhh, summer. To be sitting at the pool, soaking up the sun, having a mimosa – this is the life. Days become longer and clothes become shorter, even on men lately. I don’t know whether it’s a European trend or what, but I am seeing more and more speedos these days, and “boy shorts” are actually being worn by boys. I scan the pool at my complex, taking in the scene, when suddenly – is that – cellulite? On a man? It can’t be. I look down at my drink. How strong is this stuff? I re-adjust my sight and look again to confirm what I had seen – OMG, men actually get cellulite? My first instinct is to rejoice, to stand up and do a victory dance, to point and scream and poke at it (sorry guys). I almost can’t help myself. I feel like I’ve just spotted Bigfoot, right here at our pool. We women have been battling cellulite every way we can, some of us ever-so-conscious of it that we drown ourselves in coco butter and try to sit in our office chairs for as little amounts of time as possible, to avoid “cottage cheese” butt. So yes, for a moment, I was actually happy to find that men are not immune to this lovely trait. But, (sigh), after careful thought and consideration, and much sympathy, I am here to help.
Let’s face it boys, you care what you look like; some of you more than us ladies these days. “Metrosexual” is no longer a term reserved for that lone boy with spikey hair you see flexing in the mirror at the gym. Spa books are spilling with appointments from men, retail is pumping products and ads at you, and nail salons are enjoying a whole new clientele. It started out slow: men would get their hair highlighted, then their brows waxed; then there was the slow introduction and acceptance of “guyliner”, “mandals” and the “murse”. But, as with most things in life, with the good must come the bad. I introduce to you, “Male-ullite”.
According to Sharon Bell, health and fitness enthusiast and published author: “For many years, men have not really been very concerned about how they look physically because they really do not wear very short shorts and expose their thighs and buttocks…Although women are more likely to have cellulite than men, the male gender is not spared from this annoying aesthetic problem.” Still don’t believe me? Anyone remember the infamous moment when Howard Stern flew over the crowd at the ’92 VMA’s in ass-less chaps as “Fartman”? Google that, barf, then come talk to me. Now that you’ve got your head in the game, here are some things you could do to keep your Male-ullite in check: 1) Take a walk. The more you sit in your office chair, the better your chances are of having your rear look like an orange peel. Get up and walk around, even if it’s only for a half an hour a day. 2) Drink more water. Water is the best way to help keep your skin smooth. Period. And 3) Invest in a moisturizing body scrub. While this will not eliminate cellulite, it will help smooth your skin and make it much less noticeable. My favorite is St. Ives Smoothing In-Shower Exfoliating Body Polish in Mineral Therapy ($7, drugstores).
Good luck with the battle, boys, and remember: we women love men with dimples. On their face, that is.